All my love
by bookluver4ever
Summary: when Dimitri leaves and noone knows where he has been reassigned what happens to Rose? when he comes back what does he find waiting for him?
1. Chapter 1

_My name is Rose. My story is complicated and long. I finally feel able to tell the whole truth of what really happened. I know your wondering if I got my happy ending and yes in many ways I did but the journey of how I got there is the important part. I can't tell you yet where I ended up it wont be nearly as special with out the whole story. The biggest thing is that I have found peace. I am at peace with how things turned out and I hope you will be too._

I woke up groaning. My body still ached from the rescue mission. I guess you could call it a success. We saved most of the prisoners and lost only a few guardians and only one was turned. To me it was a success simply because I managed to save Dimitri. I couldn't help the shudder that ran through my body as I remembered watching him fall and seeing that filthy monster sink his teeth into Dimitri. I don't really remember much after that. I know I was fighting hands that seemed to be all over me trying to restrain me. I do remember running back into the cave after him but I was on auto pilot.

We had both been taken to the clinic. I was released yesterday. Dimitri I was told was planned to be released today. I decided I had time to take a shower before heading over to the clinic to see if he needed any help after being released. I flung off my covers and started to walk towards my bathroom when I noticed there was an envelope on my floor near the door. It appeared as if someone didn't want to disturb me and pushed it under the door. I picked it up off the floor and turned it over. There was nothing written on the outside. Hmmm. Sliding my finger under the edge of the flap I ripped it open. The smell hit me first. After shave. Dimitri. Hesitantly I pulled the folded piece of paper out of the envelope and opened it. As soon as I saw the first word I was shaking. Roza! Why was he writing me a letter? I thought he was still in the clinic. I took a deep breath and continued reading.

Roza my love.

I owe you an apology for writing this letter. I am too afraid to come to you in person. I have killed strigoi and survived the loss of a best friend but I would rather face all of that a dozen times over than have to see your face when I tell you my decision. First you need to know that I love you more than life itself. I would give my life for yours in a heart beat. That might not mean much coming from a guardian who risks their life all the time anyway so know that I would give myself up to being turned for you. There is no living soul on earth that I would put above you. You are the single most important thing in my life and no matter what happens to us in the future you always will be. Please know that I will be eternally be grateful for what you have done for me. You forced me to let someone else into my heart. You healed me when I thought life was meaningless. You gave yourself to me without reservation, body mind and soul. Please know that I gave all of me to you as well. No one has ever touched my heart and soul like you have. No one ever will again. The other night with you was amazing. The love we shared was beyond the words I have to describe. I will carry this memory with me everywhere. You are the most beautiful amazing women I have ever known. But Roza I realized something yesterday. What you and I share is putting you at risk. You came back into that cave for me. You put yourself into great danger in a fools attempt to rescue me. Now I know your temper is going to be starting to rise but please know I am grateful you did come back. I would be dead or worse turned if you had not come back, however I can't allow you to die because of me. I don't know if I could go on knowing that you had sacrificed yourself for me. So where does that leave us? I know you are so certain that I am strong enough for anything but I am not. I am not strong enough to be around you and to keep you safe so I am removing myself from the picture. I have been granted a transfer to a new guardian position. I have asked that this information be kept private because I do not want you coming after me. You are to focus on keeping yourself safe and then the princess. I pray that someday you can forgive me and realize that I did this all for you. It is what's best. Please live your life and be happy. Most of all please be safe!

All my love. It will always be yours

Dimitri.

I realized I was shaking violently. There were splotches that had appeared on the paper. I reached up and touched my cheeks and realized I was crying. That was when the room started to spin. Then everything started going white.

I heard voices and knocking on my door but I was unable to answer. I heard the voices get louder and a key turned in my lock. My throat had closed up I could form no reply. The white was starting to go gray. I was vague aware that a set of warm arms had picked me up and was carrying me out of my room. I was to numb to care who it was or where I was being taken. The sounds started to fade into the distance and I waited hoping the blackness would engulf me and I would be granted the oblivion of unconsciousness .

I felt my body being lowered onto some piece of furniture and I let out a sigh giving into the dark. The last thing I saw was a worried pair or bright green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer- I own nothing! I wish!**_

**_Please review! I like feedback it helps. You all know you like reviews too so help each other out and give some too! thanks! _**

The noise of someone softly whispering pulled me out of my delicious oblivion. My eyelids fluttered and I glanced around me apprehensively. I recognized Lissa's room by the pretty purple curtains and the pictures of Christian all over every available surface. I was confused for a minute as too why I was here in her room but than yesterday came crashing down on me again. Unfortunately this time I stayed conscious. I was so caught up in the pain that was ripping its way through my soul that I didn't hear anyone come into the room. Some guardian I was.

" Rose? Honey , you ok?" Adrian approached me tentatively as if he was afraid of my reaction. I wasn't capable of answering him. I could only stare. How do you tell someone that you are most definitely not ok? That you are the farthest thing from ok? That every fiber of your being is screaming in pain so bad that you think being burned alive would be a less painful way to die at this point? Instead I decided to show him how I was feeling.

" Adrian do you have a cigarette?" I croaked . He looked confused but handed one to me along with a lighter. I lit the cigarette and watched it burn for a minute. Adrian opened his mouth no doubt to ask what I was doing. I silenced him with a hand gesture and indicated he should wait a minute. Lissa had come up behind him and was glancing at me over his shoulder. I took a big draw of the cigarette and than put it out by pressing it into the hollow spot at the center of my collar bone which had been one of Dimitri's favorite spots to kiss. I held it there pressing it deep and relishing in the physical pain it caused.

" Rose what the hell!" Adrian yelled when he saw what I was doing. He jumped up and grabbed my arm pulling it away from my body and squeezing so hard I dropped the now out cigarette.

" What is wrong with you?' Lissa screamed. " Why in the world would you do something like that? Here let me fix it." She reached out to touch me and I shrank from her touch.

" No! " I yelled with all the energy I could put into it. " Don't touch me. I don't want you to heal me. Leave me alone!" I knew I was being irrational but the pain felt so good. It gave me a physical release to all the pain consuming my heart. I looked with pleading eyes at Adrian. Maybe he would be on my side.

He rubbed his face in his hands and sighed. Finally he came over and sat down on the bed with me his hands up in the air in a gesture of surrender.

' Lil Dhampir. I promise not to try to heal you can you just tell us what happened? I mean we got part of the story you dropped your letter." He paused and I flinched. " Can you tell us the whole story?"

I sighed and leaned back and closed my eyes I let my memories pull me back to three nights ago when Dimitri and I had spent the night in the cabin. The best night of my life. The night that I thought was the start of something real. The start of something that I had really thought was strong enough to last forever. Strong enough to see us through anything. I was such a fool. I knew Adrian and Lissa were waiting for an answer but I couldn't get my voice to work. Instead I just shook my head at them.

I saw them give each other worried looks. The room was full of unspoken questions I couldn't stand it any longer. I stood up and nodded at the two of them and made my way over to the open door. I looked back at them and opened my mouth wishing I had something more to say to them but all I could manage was

" thanks" Than I walked out shut the door and headed towards the Alberta's office.

It was a peaceful walk the offices being on the other side of the campus. The sun was rising so I knew I would have to hurry to catch Alberta before she left for the night but I couldn't seem to make my legs move any faster. The wind was blowing slightly just enough to ruffle my hair. I reached up and ran my fingers through it remembering how he had done that. He claimed to love my long dark hair. Than again he claimed to love me too. Maybe I could cut off my hair and mail it to him? Oh yeah I don't know where he went he doesn't want me to bother him. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost walked past the offices. I would have walked past them accept that Alberta was just coming out and called to me.

" Rose? What are you doing here?" She sounded genuinely concerned. I was thrown for a second startled out of my internal monalog and had to shake my head to gather my thoughts.

" I was looking for you actually. Can we talk?" I squeaked out. She sighed and looked at my sympathetically and nodded her head turning back to the office door and unlocking it.

"Come on in. I figured you would come find me eventually." What the hell did that mean? I followed her into the office and sat down at one of the chairs as she hung her jacket back up and turned lights back on. I waited with my hands folded in my lap looking nowhere inparticular just staring into space not able to start the conversation. Alberta sat at her desk and stared at me for a minute before she stood up and walked over and punched the door. I froze in shock.

" Dammit! Dammit! Dammit all to hell!" She yelled pacing behind the desk now. She turned and looked at me with so much anger in her eyes I was pretty sure I shrank back into my chair. Her gaze immediately softened.

"I'm sorry Rose. It's just I think I know why you're here." She paused as if unsure she wanted to continue. " You want to know where Dimitri is right?" I cringed when she said his name. Just the sound of it took my breath away. The pain I thought I was in before doubled. I couldn't breath I opened my mouth wanting to scream from the pain but it had sliced my vocal cords. My fingers raked down my face drawing blood. They wound themselves in my hair and I began pulling until I felt it coming loose at the roots. Alberta was around the desk in seconds. She cradled me in her arms and rocked me like a small child, humming lullabies I didn't know in my ear. I found oxygen again and a small sob escaped my lips the only noise I allowed to escape.

"Rose sweetie lets get you to bed. I want someone to stay with you. I don't think you should be alone right now. Is there someone you want me to call for you?" I wasn't sure I wanted company but I didn't have the strength to fight her on this. I looked up into her eyes and saw real concern. There was only one person I thought I might be able to stand right now. I sighed and closed me eyes.

"Call Adrian please." I whispered hoping he wasn't too sober anymore. Maybe he would even bring some vodka with him. At the very least I figured he would have more cigerattes.


	3. Chapter 3

_**please review pretty please!**_

I woke up in my room to my alarm going off. I didn't have training anymore but I set my alarm to get up at the time Dimitri wanted me to anyway. I still got up and ran. My body was something I had control over and I took it very seriously. I was going to be in the best fighting shape I was capable of. Being a guardian was my life now. It was all I had left. My heart had finally stopped beating in pain. I decided to just kill it. It was better off dead.

I went through many stages in the grieving process lingering the longest in the anger phase. I had enjoyed marring my self in ways that I felt would hurt Dimitri if he ever saw me again. I did give in an cut my hair. So short I looked like Julia Roberts as tinker bell. I had kept the main chunk of hair in a zip lock bag ready to mail to Dimitri if I ever got a lead on an address. I had destroyed my finger nails in a sorry attempt to scrap the flesh off my arms down to the bones. That little adventure had left some pretty gruesome scars on my forearms as well. My nose was crooked from where I had bashed my head into the wall until I knocked myself out one night. I don't think I was what anyone would call pretty anymore. I knew I could go back to how I used to look if I asked Lissa to heal me and she had offered on more than one occasion, but I was happier with out being bothered by the male population. The time I snapped this one male guardians arm in two and kicked him in the balls so hard he pissed blood when he whistled at me could also be why most guys left me alone. If I couldn't have Dimitri I wanted no one. I would not allow any one to hurt me like that ever again.

Adrian still came around although I had made it clear I wouldn't stand for any flirting form him. I knew he still loved me even though my face was ruined. I also knew that on the nights I cried myself to sleep he would somehow know and sneak in my room and rub my back and sing to me. I never told him I knew he did it. I was afraid it would stop or he would want more.

But even Adrian didn't know all my dirty little secrets. Sometimes the pain of missing Dimitri would get to be so great that I had to have a physical release for it. I would get matches and light them than hold them to different parts of my body that I knew I could cover up and watch as the skin turned colors and blistered. The pain was excruciatingly wonderful. It gave me a reason to cry. I loved it. Sometimes the burns just weren't enough and than I would go to extremes. I went and got my clit pierced one really bad day. I know I know gross but I figured if I could damage it than maybe I wouldn't have to worry about missing out on an orgasm ever again. Another really bad day I got a tattoo of a dead rose bush that wound its way around my upper thigh almost into my bikini area, again going for sensitive skin. I had ripped off all my toe nails once but they grew back nicely. I had gotten so self destructive that they had taken Lissa away form me. I was told that she needed a more stable guardian. Adrian had insisted I be his guardian and no one dared tell him no. So here I was an ugly mess one crazy guarding another crazy. Funny how things turn out.

I figured since I was still an active guardian that I needed to be in top shape. I had stopped eating doughnuts and junk all together. I was all organic and vegan now. It tasted like shit but at least it didn't remind me off the old days. I know I said I still ran but I don't think I mentioned how much. I used to run about 5 miles now I was doing 20 every morning. Insane? Oh yes but when you run to get away from the past you have to run fast and far.

So every morning my alarm went off just like it had and I got up and put on black pants and a black sweatshirt and went running.

In the 8 months since I had become Adrian's guardian I had faced numerous attacks from those stupid strogoi. I liked to play with them. I would let them think they were winning let them beat on me for while , give me some pain I didn't have to inflict on myself and then when I finally started to feel weak form blood loss I would stake them. Adrian hated that I did it this way he was always telling me that one of these times I would let it go to far and I would lose. I would just shrug it wasn't like I cared.

I was sitting in bed thinking about all of these things and trying to come up with a new way to get the pain out of my head when there was a knock at my door. Strange Adrian wasn't normally up at this time.

" Come in." I called. Adrian walked in with a breakfast tray. It had all my health food plus a chocolate glazed doughnut. I hissed as I saw the doughnut. He knew I didn't eat that crap anymore.

" Adrian what's going on?" I asked suspiciously. He glanced at me with an unsure look as if he wasn't sure what part of all this I was questioning.

" Rose do you know what day it is?' I was floored I tried not to look at a calendar. I used to count the days that Dimitri had been gone but that had stopped and I found it easier to not keep track at all.

I shook my head no. Adrian came over a sat beside me and took my hand.

" It's been a year since the day Lissa and I came in your room and found you in shock. I promised Lissa that day that I would give you one year and if you weren't better I would hunt Dimitri down and force him to come back to see what he had done." He took a deep breath and braced himself before he continued.

" I convinced my aunt to tell me where he was last week and I called him. I told him there was an emergency and that he was the only one that could fix it. He cried when I told him some of what has been going on and promised to come help. He is downstairs waiting for me to let him up." I was speechless at first. Terrified. Adrian at least had the decency to look afraid of me. Now I was angry, no I was royally pissed.

" why in fucks sake would you track him down now? Why not originally? What can he do now? I hate him ! I hate you Adrian. I don't want to see him. He can rot in hell for all I care!' I couldn't stop screaming. I knew if Dimitri really was downstairs he would be able to hear me. I was hoping he would hear me and leave.

" Baby please calm down." Adrian pleaded with me. " I didn't know how bad things were going to be originally plus my aunt wouldn't give me the information back then. She agrees with me that this has gone on way to long. Rose I saw your arms the other day. I know you have been burning yourself. I also called the tattoo and piercing place when the charges came up and they told me everything. They said the only reason they agreed to do it was because they were afraid you would go all back alley if they didn't ." He reached out and brushed tears off my face I didn't know were there. " Talk to him Rose, even if its just to tell him how much you hate him."

" I can't! don't you see. He walked away, he never really loved me. I can't let him see how much he once meant to me. I can't give him that satisfaction!" I was sobbing now. Adrian patted my head.

" Rose I know you still love him. I can see your aura. You always forget that. I am going to send him up now." He stood up and headed towards the door.

"Its for the best Rose." I couldn't answer him I just nodded. He opened the door and my breath caught. Dimitri was right there. He was exactly the same just more beautiful than I had remembered. He nodded to Adrian.

" She is all yours good luck. Rose I love you. I will be right down stairs." Than he shut the door and walked away leaving me and Dimitri alone.

I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent just staring at him. He was watching with me no expression at first and I started to feel embarrassed by my appearance. I couldn't take it any longer and I hung my head in shame. He immediately came over and knelt in front of me.

"Oh Roza I am so sorry. More sorry than I have words to tell you. I thought I was saving you and instead I have hurt you beyond anything I ever dreamed could happen." His words snapped me out of my trance.

" Just what did you dream would happen? Did you think I would just move on like what happened was nothing? I gave you my virginity, my trust my love and you tossed it aside like it was meaningless. I risked my life for you and your thanks was a lousy goodbye I have no balls letter. Please tell me what you expected. I'm dying to know how else I haven't lived up to what you wanted." He flinched at my last few words and pain filled his eyes. I got some satisfaction from knowing he was hurting too.

"Roza." he started but I slapped him.

"Don't use that name ever again. Never again understand." My voice was ice cold. He looked shocked but didn't respond. He started again.

" Rose please tell me what I can do to help you. I will walk through fire and off a cliff if it makes you feel better." He reached out and touched my face. I couldn't help myself and for just a moment I leaned into his touch and inhaled his scent. Than I thought better of it

" Walking through fire might help but how about standing in it." I hissed at him. " Than maybe you can match me." I stood up and without thinking it through started taking my clothes off. No one had seen me naked or ever close to it in months. I couldn't let anyone see the extent of the damage I had done to my body. Dimitri seemed surprised he stood up but didn't try to stop me when I pulled my pants off but when I pulled my shirt off and he saw clearly all the burns and cuts and piercing on my arms chest and stomach he fell to his knees sobbing. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out the bag of hair I had saved. I walked back over to him and dropped it in his lap.

" Here is a present I saved for you. I was going to mail it but since I didn't know where to send it I just hung on to it. I pulled it out and looked at it every time I pressed a fresh match to my skin. Have you ever smelled burning flesh Comrade? It smells just like any other animal. It's the hair that smells bad. That's part of why I cut it. So that someday when I decide to completely go up in flames I can enjoy the smell before I go." I bent over and placed a finger under his chin forcing his face up so I could look him in the eyes. I wanted to see what was there and I wanted him to see how empty mine were. There was one problem. I did still love him and when I saw how much he was hurt and how sorry he really was reflected out form his eyes my resolve faltered. Suddenly I knew I had to get out of there.

"I'm going for a run. You can join me if you can keep up." With that I turned on my heel and threw my clothes back on and ran out the door. I didn't know if he would follow me or not.


	4. Chapter 4

**_please review! usual disclaimer applies. _**

As I ran I allowed myself to sink into Lissa's head. She was in her bedroom with Christian going through wedding magazines. Christian had proposed about 4 months ago. He had told Lissa that after seeing what had happened to Dimitri and I he wanted to grab her and hold on forever. How sweet right? Gag me and let me choke to death on the vomit. I had hoped that being in her head would help keep my thoughts away from Dimtiri but watching her and Christian plan their oh so happy future was not helping my mood. I pulled out of her head and put in my earbuds. I put my ipod on random and selected my rock play list no chance of anything lovey dovey there. I didn't sense another presence so I assumed Dimitri hadn't followed me out to the track. I didn't want to dwell on it long enough to decide if I was disappointed by this or not.

I finished up my laps and went into the gym planning to use their showers. I stopped short when I saw Dimitri was in the gym standing by the locker room doors. I hadn't seen him go into the gym. He pushed off of the wall and walked towards me offering me a water bottle. I looked at him suspiciously for a minute causing him to roll his eyes.

"It's just a water bottle. Take it I know you need a drink I watched you run. You are absolutely amazing. I have never seen anyone run that long that fast." His voice had turned from light teasing to deep and sincerely appreciative. I wasn't sure I liked where this could be heading so I cut off the happy mood in the bud.

"My body is nothing more than a machine. A way to continue this meaningless existence untill such time as I become too old or injured to render my self usefull. When something is all you have you take good care of it. I work and I train. They come first, remember." I said all this with no inflection in my voice at all . I knew my words were harsh maybe more so than necessary but I needed him to understand what my life was now.

I was an empty shell with no more humanity than a strigoi . I just hadn't filled my voide with cruelty I had filled it with hard work and an unmatchable sense of duty. I gulped down the water bottle Dimitri and handed me and tossed it in the trash. I nodded my head in thanks at him and started to walk into the locker room. I had only taken a couple of steps before I felt a hand grab me around my wrist.

I spun around iin shock. Noone touched me without permission, everyone knew this. The entire gym was paused, watching me to see what I would do. I hissed in a breath and swung out at Dimitri intending to teach him to keep his hands to himself. What I had not counted on was him training harder as well.

He anticipated my move and without releasing my wrist spun around dodging my punch and twisting my arms so that he was behind me with my back pressed against his chest. My anger flared and I tried to lash out with my legs but he managed to twist me up there to. After a few heated minutes where a huge crowd had gathered I ended up pinned on the floor with the entire length of his body pressed down on top od me holding me in place. I was howling with rage by now.

"let me up you ass! You have no right to do this. Let me go now." I was screaming barely coherent.

He looked down at me and if I hadn't known better I would swear I saw love in those warm chocolate eyes. He smiled tenderly at me and responded.

" No. Roza . You think you can bully everyone into leaving you alone and maybe most people will. You have become the most amazing fighter and I understand that most people probably don't want to get their asses handed to them so you don't get many people who will fight you. I on the other hand have spent the last year training just as hard as you have. I won't back down from you. You don't scare me. I have caused you so much hurt and I am more sorry than I can find ways to tell you. But I am here now and I am going to prove to you that I still love you and that I always have. Someday soon I am going to make you show me all the ways you punished your body for my crimes and I will kiss each mark on your perfect body untill you realize you can't damage yourself in my eyes. Untill then I am going to shadow you and train with you and do everything I can to prove to you that I will never leave your side again." He leaned in than and placed a soft gentle kiss on my lips groaning as he pulled away. He pushed off of me and pulled me off of the ground. He took my wrist which he had never let go of and kissed the red mark that had formed there. I yanked my arm back finaly freed from the spell of shock I had been under. I was embarrassed that he had aired our dirty laundry to all the guardians here and since I wasn't up to reliving getting my ass handed to me I took it out on them.

"What are you all looking at? Get the hell back to your own damn business or I'm going to assume someone else wants to spar." They all quickly left leaving Dimitri chuckling at me.

"Don't ever do that again Guardian Belikov. I don't need you coming in here and messing up my life when I finaly got thigns in order." He stopped laughing and dark look came over his eyes. He took a menacing step towards me.

"In order? You call this." He grabbed my arm and shoved my shirt sleeve up exposing my most recent burn marks. " In order? This is far from order Rose this is insane and to start my penence I am going to help stop this or die trying." he turned and started to walk away.

"I am free lancing with Adrian as an extra so I will see you back at the house. By the way I will be timing you and if your not back from the showers in the right amount of time I will come in after you. See you in 15." he smiled and blew me kiss and walked out the door. Damn that man! I didn't want to give him an satisfaction in having an excuse to come into the shower after me but I also hadn't planned on letting hom think he could control me either. Well I decided I could shower quickly but that didn't mean I had to go straight back to Adrians either. My shift didn't technickly start for another 45 minutes. That would leave a half an hour for those two to stew and wonder where I was. With that thought in my head I smiled and headed into the locker room.

10 minutes later I ran out of the gym after taking the fastest shower I had ever had . I had thought during my shower about where I could go that those two would never think to look for me and suddenly it dawned on me the library. I wasn't sure if they would be watching for me so I went a round about way and in through the back entrance. I had forgotten how big the library at court was. Three stories of books loomed before me, plenty of places to get lost in. Now which section to hide out in. Religion? Maybe but they might actually check there. Childrens? No too depressing. Self help? Haha that would be funny. Western? No that made it looked like I cared. I knew it suddenly I would go sit and browse through the do it yourself part. Maybe I could find a book on do it yourself funerals give the guys a good scare. Maybe just create your own will . I chuckled as I went in search of a make your own will or plan a funeral book. If they didn't bother to come looking which wouldn't surprise me I mean all of Dimitris other promises had turned up empty than at least I could get some useful information. I glanced at my watch 25 minutes from my original time. I was 10 minutes late according to Dimitri but I still had 20 minutes before my shift. I went over to the computer and did a search for my books. I had just managed to find a title that looked like it had potential when the scent hit me. His aftershave. I sighed in defeat.

"You know Comrade if you want to sneak up on people maybe you should lighten up on the aftershave." I turned to face him. He looked pissed.

" I told you I expected you back in 15 minutes. I knew you wouldn't listen but Ididn't think you would send us on a wild chase all over court. Adrian and I have been worried sick." He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his middle finger. " I always thought you liked my aftershave?" I shrugged my shoulders and walked around him and headed towards the exit.

" Things change. People change, and sometime we just lie." I raised my eye brows at him and continued walking toward the guest housing. He sighed and fell into step next to me. He pulled out a phone and hit speed dial. It rang only once before I heard Adrian answer. Dimitri glared at me and informed Adrian he had found me and that we were headed back to the house. I ignored him and continued walking. Men! When I wanted one noone wanted me but now that I didn't want any they were everywhere. Lord help me.


	5. Chapter 5

**_I know I keep saying this but please pretty please REVIEW! I have tons of hits to this story and so few reviews please. Now on another note I know this seems to be dragging out but give it a chance the next chapter is Lissa's wedding. And really who can resist a good wedding ? ;)_**

For six long weeks I endured Dimitri as a guarding partner. For six long weeks he was my constant shadow. For six long weeks I had resisted the urge to push the cigarette into my skin and feel the sweet release the faint pain brought me.

I walked downstairs for breakfast and saw Dimitri and Adrian sitting at the kitchen table drinking their morning coffee. Funny these two couldn't used to stand each other and now here they were best little butt buddies all secretive and plotting together. I could feel my blood beginning to boil not a good sign this early in the day. They both stopped talking and smiled in my direction. I glared at the two of them and went over to the cupboard getting down my favorite coffee mug and pouring a cup. I was just reaching for a spoon when I heard Dimitri whisper something to Adrian in what sounded like Russian. I turned slowly and caught Adrian directing Dimitri with his eyes and a minuscule nod. That did it.

"What the hell guys? Secrets right in front of me?" I yelled throwing down my spoon and slamming the coffee cup on the table. Coffee sloshed over the sides of my cup burning my hand. I shivered in pleasure. Adrian immediately jumped up.

" Oh God Rose are you alright? I set the temperature on the coffee pot to extra hot thinking you wouldn't be up yet. How is your hand? Let me see is it burnt?" There was panic in his voice. I was cradling my hand not wanting to show him where the steaming liquid had blistered my hand. I wanted the pain it made me feel alive. I turned my body shielding my hand from view.

"I'm fine Adrian really. It's nothing. Everything is fine I am just going to go run it under some cold water get the coffee off." I started to head out of the kitchen and both men made to follow me.

" I'm capable of going to wash my hands all by myself you know." I rounded on them. " I don't need two babysitters. The two of you treat me like I'm on suicide watch. I will have you both know that no matter what else I may have done to my body I would never kill myself." I paused and took a deep breath. " Lissa needs me to much for me to take the easy way out." I spun on my heel and headed out . Thankfully neither of them followed. I did however hear as I walked away Dimitri call after me in a soft sad voice.

" We need you too. I need you." I sighed but continued walking.

In the bathroom I decided to put some salve on my hand no point in making either of those idiots worry any more than they all ready were. I headed back into the kitchen to drink my hopefully not cold coffee.

On the table were three beautiful envelopes. There was one addressed to me one for Adrian and one for Dimitri. Puzzled I picked mine up and torn into it. Lifting out the soft thick gold paper I realized it was Lissa's wedding invitation. The date was set in two weeks. She wasn't giving us much time. I realized there was another piece of paper in my envelope. A hand written note from Lissa asking me to be her maid of honor. I sighed again but this time with a hint of fondness. Lissa had never held it against me when I had freaked out and the queen and taken me away from being Lissa's guardian. She had always tried to be patient and understanding with me. I couldn't turn her down. As if on cue the door bell rang. Ignored it figuring Dimitri could get it. I could tell he was having a brief conversation with whoever was at the door. The door closed and Dimitri walked back into the kitchen and set a large white box on the table.

"You have a delivery." He told me with a slight smirk on his face. He obviously knew who this was from or what it was. I glared at him momentarily but then curiousity got the best of me and I torn into the box. There was a short note on top of layers of tissue paper. The note read in Lissa's beautiful script " I knew you would say yes." I closed my eyes she knew me so well. Of course I would say yes. I glanced over and Dimitri was watching me. Ignoring him I tentatively lifted the layers of tissue and let out a small gasp. Laying there was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. I was so caught up in the dress I didn't notice Adrian had come back in and was standing behind me.

" Lil Dhampir. You are going to look so hot in that." He winked at me and went to refill his coffee cup. I was not floored my the dress to give him a smart answer in reply. He was right I was going to look hot. The dress was a deep dark red almost a maroon. It was strapless and had a see through corset midriff. The skirt was slightly fitted satin that flowed like water down my legs with a see through lace slit up to the hip on one side. There was a pair of strappy stilettos dyed to match in the box along with a beautiful crystal and ruby headband. Lissa had thought of everything. I was just thinking about what underwear I would have to get to wear when Adrian leaned over my shoulder.

"I think there's more in the box. Lissa said she took care of everything you would need ." he had stressed the everything almost as if he had read my mind. I glanced at both men who nodded in encourage meant for me to continue digging in the box. With a deep breath I pulled out another layer of tissue to find a deep red lace bra with rubies at the plunging center. The matching panties was a g string with one side string a perfectly clear strap so as not to show through the lace. I could feel my self blushing as I realized that the guys weren't saying anything. They were both probably realizing that as far as undergarment s went these weren't exactly substantial. Surprisingly it was Dimitri who broke the awkward silence.

"Well I guess Lissa really meant it when she said she was taking care of everything. That's one hell of an ensemble." I rolled my eyes and grabbed my box with all my goodies and stomped up stairs. I paused on eh landing and listened. I had to chuckle when I heard Dimitri let out a low whistle.

" Well hell it got hot in here. What the fuck was Lissa thinking with that dress? Did she want me to jump her right here? What the hell am I going to do when Rose actually puts that dress on? I have a hard enough time when she's all covered up in those ugly ass sweats she insists on wearing all the damn time." I had to cover my mouth to stop from laughing. Adrian was in stitches however.

"Down boy let me open a window. Better yet why don't you go take a walk and cool off. I need to talk to Rose anyway. You made a really valid point. She won't be all covered up in that dress. Lissa doesn't know the extent of what Rose has done to her body." He knew I was listening on the landing I could hear it in his voice. I felt my cheeks flame up with shame. I hadn't thought about Lissa's reaction to my therapy of choice. I didn't want her to worry about me on her wedding day. I waited till I heard Dimitri go out and shut the door and I creeped back into the kitchen. Adrian was sitting there waiting for me. I walked over to him and he opened his arms pulling me into his lap.

" I'm so sorry if I made you feel bad but I know you don't want to upset Lissa on her special day." I shook my head feeling a few traitor tears seeping out of my eyes. Adrian's arms squeezed me tighter. His fingers reached up and brushed at my tears.

" Oh baby. My poor lil Dhampir. I wish there was some way for me to fix this for you. If I could heal this pain away or take it into myself I would. Unfortunately you are going to have to do this the hard way. It's been six weeks honey talk to him. Just listen to what he has to say." I was shaking my head. I was so not ready for that yet. I peeked up at Adrian through my lashes. He looked mad.

"Rose your such a chicken shit! You go looking to play with strigoi but a another dhampir a man and you run and hide. Man up Rose!" I just stared at him in shock. He never insulted me. He had always been so carefully of me and my feelings. He looked in my eyes for a few seconds and than planted a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Well going back to what my original point was supposed to be. Do you want me to heal you so Lissa doesn't see what you have done to your perfect body." He tipped my chin up and smiled at me. I knew he was right. Sighing I nodded. I seemed to be doing that a lot today. I closed my eyes and waited for the warmth. Adrian placed his hands on either side of my face. The feelings that started flowing through me felt so alien. Joy and love flooded my system. I knew I had a goofy grin on my face but I couldn't seem to care. I didn't realize how much the piercing and burns still hurt until they weren't there anymore. I felt my nose adjust back into its proper place and suddenly I was able to breath much better. I felt the warmth start to close up the piercing at my core and I let it go just praying it wouldn't cause any kind of sexual reaction. I did stop him when I felt the magic probe at my tattoo.

" Oh no baby. The tat stays. I can't pretend like nothing happened. Leave it as a reminder for me." I pleaded in a small voice. He paused looking into my eyes for a moment.

"ok the tattoo stays." he let go of me and leaned back closing his eyes. He looked very worn out.

" Rose you had more injuries than I was aware of. I think I fixed your arms and face completely but I couldn't make your hair grow back and I wasn't able to fix the scars on your stomach. I think the lace will hide those though. I'm bushed I think I am going to go see a feeder than take a nap." I climbed out of his lap slowly feeling kind of bad that he had used so much energy on me. When I stood up I swayed on my feet. A pair of warm arms caught me and picked me up. Suddenly I was too tired and happy to care that Dimitri was in such close contact with me.

"Hey Comrade. It's been so long since anyone touched me with magic. It's almost like a bite. An endorphin high." I giggled. " Your lucky I'm feeling so happy that I can't be mad that your touching me without my permission." Dimitri didn't respond but the look in his eyes said volumes. It was enough to shut even me up.

I was so tired I didn't even realize my eyes were closed. I felt Dimitri place me in my bed and tuck me in under the covers. The last conscious thing I was able to remember was what felt like his lips briefly touching mine and a whispered

"I love you Roza."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Thank you so much to the few who have reviewed. I need reviews on this chapter badly this is the first time i have written a detailed type sex scene so please help me out review._**

The day of Lissa and Christian's wedding was absolutely perfect. It rained early in the morning with rainbows peeking out from all the puddles when the sun came out just in time for some prewedding pictures. My hair had grown out long enough for me to cut it in an angled bob. The dress and accessories that Lissa had picked out were perfect. I felt like Aphrodite herself.

When I had made my decent down the stairs early that morning Dimitri and Adrian had been so impressed with my appearance I was only able to get one word answers from them. I had gone into the kitchen and done a little twirl. Adrian choked on his coffee spitting it out all over Dimitri who didn't appear to notice or care. Dimitri had stared at me for a few moments and slowly his mouth had turned up into a smile. When I finally met his eyes he only uttered one word.

"Flawless" I had blushed at that. I knew I looked good but flawless? No not quite. Thankfully Adrian had healed all the marks on my face and arms and the one he wasn't able to on my stomach didn't show through the lace. I felt amazing.

The wedding was held at this beautiful old gothic cathedral. Lissa walked in to the traditional wedding march and most of their vows were traditional as well. Christian had surprised everyone by adding some of his own vows and the stupid sap made us all cry. We all got to throw rice at the bride and groom as they made their way out of the church. It was a beautiful service if you like that romantic sappy kind of thing. That was exactly what I told Dimitri when he asked me I enjoyed it later on. Of course by than since I was here as an official guest and Adrian had brought plenty of other guardians I was two sheets to the wind.

" Yeah Comrade it was beautiful if you like that sappy romance kind of thing." I tossed my hand in the air to indicate that kind of thing was dismissive. He took my hand and pulled me out onto the dance floor. The reception hall was huge. After the dinner was finished the live band had moved from the center of the floor to a balcony stage and the dance floor had opened up. The dancing had just started but as I said I was already gone open bar and all.

" Roza. You know you don't really believe this is all just sappy stuff. I know your happy for Lissa and for Christian." He pulled me closer as a slow song started playing.

" Yes I do believe this is just sappy stuff and anyone who believes in it is a fool. Lissa is a fool. One of these days her happy little world will come crashing down and all I can hope is that I am there to catch her when it does. Someday she will learn that love is nothing more than pain ." My voice was growing louder now and people were starting to stare. Dimitri must not have noticed. He gave me sad look and pulled me tightly against him hugging me more than dancing with me.

" Baby I'm so so sorry. I will show you love is great. It doesn't have to be pain. Please look at me." He began to plead with me. " Roza please baby. Just let me try to show you how great it can be. I don't expect you to forgive me but just let me in a little bit." I pulled back at his words.

"Love is great? Seriously you expect me to buy that. You want me to let you in? Your crazy I will never let anyone in again. You want to know what part of love is great is fun? I think it comes down to sex, just sex. Your basic run of the mill one night stand. Fuck them and leave them. You know what since Adrian was generous enough to fix my appearance I think I might be ready to get back in the game. Why sit around and mope about something I never had to begin with." I started to walk away but in true Dimitri fashion he grabbed me and pulled me back. We really had the crowds attention now. Dimitri took my face in both hands.

" Shut up Rose. You sound like an idiot and I am not going to let you hurt your self even more by going off to fuck the first available guy you can find. I won't let you do that you or us." He was roaring so loud that you could hear him over the music.

" You are throwing things in my face as if I was off having fun with out you. You were never a one night stand. There has been no one since you. For a year I have touched no one else and I haven't wanted to. I love you with everything I have and come hell or heaven I am going to prove it to you tonight. You think I am going to let you walk away in that dress and those fuck me shoes and go home with someone else? You Rosemarie Hathaway are mine and only mine and I am yours . I have waited patiently for you to open up to me for the last two months and you won't budge. Well now the choice is out of your hands. I'm leaving and taking you with me." With one last don't fuck with me look Dimitri picked me up in his arms and turned and faced the crowd.

" ladies and gentlemen , Princess, Lord Ozera, I apologize . We are leaving please excuse this interruption."

He turned to leave and walked towards the exit. I was too stunned to put up any kind of a fight. He really was a Russian God and he really was mine. I felt Dimitri chuckle as Christian called out.

"About time Belikov. Give her hell!"

Dimitri walked with me in his arms not saying anything until we reached the house. He unlocked the door and paused looking down at me.

"Roza. Adrian has already said the house is ours for the night. I meant everything I said back there. I love you more than anything and I want to prove it to you. I want to try to show you what you mean to me . I however won't force myself on you. If you want to just go bed I will put you bed and just keep watch over you all night." He looked worried now that I was going to be afraid of him. Something had come undone in my heart when he made his very dominant display of affection on the dance floor. I suddenly knew that even though we had a lot of issues to work through I wanted him. I needed him and I needed the physical release of love not pain this time.

I reached up and gently curved my hand around his face. He leaned into my palm and turned placing a kiss on it. That little innocent gesture sent me over.

"Dimitri." It came out almost like a moan or a prayer. " Take me bed. Teach me to love again." Now I was pleading with him. He moaned and kissed me like a man deprived of air. He opened the door and kicked it closed pausing only briefly to lock it again. He carried me upstairs and took me to his room.

He sat me on the bed and without ever taking his eyes off of me he removed his tie and jacket. Tossing them over a desk chair he came and kneeled before me . He gently picked up one of my feet in his hands and began to undo my strappy shoes.

"I know I said these were fuck me shoes but I want to make it clear that tonight is all about my love for you. Tonight is not just sex Roza. Tonight is so much more." He leaned down and kissed my bare ankle. I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through my body. He obviously noticed because even as he moved to take off the other shoe I saw a grin twitch on his lips. He tossed my shoes over near his coat and then slowly ran his hands up my calf's. He pulled himself up on to the bed and placing both hands on my arms pulled me into his embrace as he started covering my face with gentle kisses.

"Roza. Do you remember weeks ago when I said I was going to kiss every place that you had marked on your body?" He paused long enough to look me in the eyes. I gulped and nodded.

"I meant it Roza. Every single mark I will find and place a kiss as the start of my apology." I shook my head.

"Dimitri. It has taken me a long time but I realize now you didn't do those things. I did them. I did it to myself. You have nothing to atone for. This one is all me Comrade." I took a deep breath fighting the tears.

"I want to." He said with such feeling that I couldn't deny him. I nodded in consent. He move his hands behind my back to the zipper on the dress.

"May I?" Even now he was giving me a chance to back out. I was too far gone to say no.

"Please." He slowly slid the zipper down and started to pull open my dress. He began to kiss my shoulders and then my neck when I threw my head back and moaned. I gripped his shoulders pulling him closer to me. I felt him slide my dress down and pull it out from under me leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties. I suddenly felt over exposed. I pulled my arms down and crossed them in front of me trying to curl up into a ball. Dimitri pulled back a little and tipped up my chin with one finger.

" You're the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Look into my eyes Rose. I'm right here with you. I will never leave you again. Take this first step with me." He kissed my lips never closing his eyes. Trying desperately to show me everything was fine.

With my hands shaking I slowly moved them up to the collar of his shirt. The buttons gave way easily. I splayed my fingers and slowly ran them down his chiseled chest and stomach. I heard him gasp when I leaned forward and pressed my lips to the hollow just below his collar bone.

"Oh Roza its been too long since I held you in my arms. Too long since I kissed your body and moved inside you." His words made my insides quiver. A pit of heat was growing low inside me. His hands roamed my body skimming their way over my arms up my thighs and over my chest. I felt my nipples harden in anticipation. I moved my hands to his buckle and he shivered in response. As I dragged his pants down over his hips I let my thumbs graze over his hardened penis. He moaned in response and pulled me tighter to his body. With a quick flick of his fingers he undid my bra and it fell away leaving my bare flesh against his. He looked in my eyes again and smiled before he began his long journey kissing down from my lips until he finally reached my exposed breast. Gently he swirled his tongue around the pink peak causing my body to drip with excitement. The heat between my legs was gaining a life of it's own. I reached down to take him in my hand but he stopped me.

"Please Roza. As much as I would enjoy you touching me I need to show you how much I love you. Lay back and let me see you." I did as he asked and lay back on the bed. He took hold of the strings of my panties and pulled them down over my hips and tossed them off to the side. He just looked at me for a moment. He touched my thorn tattoo for a moment seeming lost in thought. I watched him not sure what I should do when he bent down and placed his tongue on the bottom part of the tattoo and licked his way all up my leg following my tattoo until it ended up in my inner thigh. Gently parting my legs he spread my folds and kissed my clit. He swiped it twice with his tongue and when I moaned in pleasure he smiled up at me.

"Sounds like it's all healed." He purred at me. I was in too much pleasure to ask him how he even knew I had done anything there. I felt him slide up my body and dig his hands into my hair.

"Roza are you ready? I want you to look into my eyes as we do this. Look deep into my eyes and try to see how much you mean to me." I opened my eyes and pressed my lips hungrily into his. He exhaled roughly and pushed himself inside me. I gasped and arched my back. I had forgotten how good that full feeling was. He didn't move just tucked his chin and place a kiss on the swell of my breast and moaned.

"Oh god Roza your so tight and warm." He moved slowly at first letting the pleasure build until neither of us could bare standing on the edge of the abyss any longer.

"Dimitri!" I cried out. " Please baby now." He growled low in response and slammed into me with such force had he not been holding on to me I felt sure I would go off the bed. My orgasm came quickly and as he followed after moaning my name like a prayer I was lost in the glowing aftershock.

We lay there spent for what seemed like ages, neither one wanting to spoil the moment. His head was resting in between my breasts with one arm helping support his weight the other tangled in my hair still.

"Your heart beat might be my second most favorite sound in the world." He finally spoke breaking the silence. He looked up at me grinning. I raised my eyes brows.

"Second, Comrade?" I pouted. " What's the first?" he pushed up off my chest and brought his face up to mine.

"Your voice, moaning my name." He placed a hungry kiss on my lips. I blushed furiously. He smirked at me and sat up pulling me with him. He suddenly grew serious and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but changed his mind.

"Say it Dimitri. I can't stand anything but absolute honesty from you." I crossed my arms in front of me suddenly feeling vulnerable. He took my hands in his and took a deep breath.

"I meant what I said when I told you there has been no one else since you. I know I have no right to care but I am hoping you'll tell me. Was there anyone else for you?" He looked like he was trying to appear as if it didn't matter but he failed miserably. I was glad I could tell him the truth without fear.

"Comrade there has only ever been you." I kissed his nose and tweaked it telling him how silly his fears were.

Suddenly he jumped off the bed.

"Come on Roza." he called holding out his hand for me. " lets put you in the tub. If it's been a year for you too than you might get a little sore. Lets put you to soak in the tub." He led me into the bathroom and began to fill up the large tub. I decided he seemed entirely to smug about the whole bath thing however I decided to play along. It wasn't every day a girl got great sex that felt like the first time all over again. He did have a point anyway. I probably would be sore tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Sooo happy to have my Beta back. Those tweaks that she makes are fabulous! Thank you! Thanks to those who have been reviewing. Please continue to do so . You all know you want reviews too. This chapter is kind of a bridge, a building block . Still I hope you like it. Remember REVIEW!_**

The fog of sleep slowly lifted off of me. I became aware of Dimitri's strong, warm arms wrapped tightly around me. The sound of his even breathing told me that he was still asleep. I knew that I was going to have to have a serious talk with him about where things were going and everything that had happened... but that could wait. Right now, I wanted nothing more than to just lie here and enjoy the bliss. I snuggled closer to Dimitri and his arms tightened even more. He threw a leg over me and rubbed his foot against my calf. I pushed back against him, snuggling down deeper and as I did, I could feel his arousal growing against my backside.

" Mmm. Roza," Dimitri moaned into my hair. "You're so soft and warm. It feels so good to wake up with you safe in my arms." He began kissing my hair, making his way down to my neck and shoulders. I sighed and wiggled out of his embrace enough to roll over and clearly see his face.

"Dimitri," I began to protest, but the sight of his face stopped me. He looked so peaceful, so happy, so content. I couldn't recall a memory where he had ever looked so beautiful. There were a million reasons for me to jump out of that bed but somehow they all disappeared in that moment.

"Roza? You wanted to say something?" Dimitri smiled at me as he gently brushed my hair off of my face. His touch caused me to shiver involuntarily. I knew he felt it when his smile grew. I found myself unable to answer him. The love in his eyes was so strong that it had pushed all coherent thoughts out of my head.

He pulled me closer and lightly kissed my nose.

"You are so beautiful. I was afraid last night was a dream, that I would wake up alone in my bed, my empty arms aching to hold you. Instead I wake up wrapped around your glorious body." He was teasing me a little, I knew, trying to keep the mood light. I just nodded my head. I understood having wonderful dreams only to wake up devastated when I discovered my reality was lonely.

Dimitri was watching me. Studying me for my reaction. I'm certain he saw the pain that flashed across my face as I remembered my many nights of dreams, but instead of asking me about it, he merely gave me a knowing smile.

"Roza," he began, his voice lowering as desire creeped into it. "Kiss me. Don't try to forget anything, just try to work around it for a few more moments. Kiss me, my love."

His voice may have been tainted with lust but his eyes were pleading and slightly fearful. It was my undoing. I closed my eyes in surrender and pressed my lips against his. He moaned lightly in the back of his throat and all my inhibitions went flying out the window.

He made love to me in a way that was so sweet and gentle it put last night to shame. The last night was loving but still filled with a year's worth of pent up frustrations. This morning adventure was a journey into a level of loving that I hadn't even been able to fathom really existed. I was so touched by the amount of love he was able to convey into his actions that when we were finished, I actually started crying. I didn't sob but I was so moved that I was unable to hinder the softly flowing stream of tears that leaked from my eyes.

I turned my head away, embarrassed at my weakness as I tried to frantically stop the tears. Dimitri turned my face back towards him and silently kissed them away. When I finally stopped crying, he smiled gently at me.

"Roza, I know I can never make it up to you for what I did when I left. But somehow I hope this can start to show you just how much I really do love you. You are everything to me." He wrapped his legs up in mine and pulled my arms around his body, pressing me firmly against him. "You know what, Roza? We are as close right now as two people can physically be. Our bodies are wrapped around each others with no barrier blocking our skin from getting as much contact as possible. You are holding me inside you in the most intimate embrace a women can give to a man. This, my darling, is love. Not just the act which got us here but the afterglow that we are allowing ourselves to linger in. This is the time when so many people shy away and realize how vulnerable they really are. This is the place where we truly give ourselves over to the other." He took a deep steadying breath. "Roza. I won't make love to you again until you are sure of my intentions. I want you to know that I am here to stay and that I will never leave you again. I want to find a way to erase the doubt and fear I still see trying to hide behind your beautiful eyes."

I was shocked. I thought for sure that after those two amazing experiences, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me. Maybe I had mistaken the strength of what I was feeling. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp. His face grew serious and he gripped me hard in his arms with a knowing look on his face. Damn this man for basically being my personal mind reader.

"Rose. I am not taking anything away from what we have experienced together - last night or this morning. I want to make sure before we engage in this again that you understand exactly what you mean to me. Please baby, don't shut down on me again." He finally sat up, pulling me with him. I pulled the sheet up to cover myself, suddenly feeling exposed. He ran a hand through his hair, obviously frustrated.

"Rose I have no intention of keeping my hands off of you. I can't. No man can go from what we just had to absolutely nothing. I am simply going to exercise some restraint by not allowing myself to tackle you to the ground and take you like some savage every time I can." A wicked glint appeared in his eyes. "I would definitely like to. I would like nothing better than to take you right now." He leaned close to me barely breathing into me ear. "Hard and fast, Roza. A claiming; a way to mark you again as mine." His tongue flicked out and grazed my ear causing me to take a sharp intake of air. It seemed to bring him back to his senses as well. He leaned back and shook his head as if to clear it.

" I won't, Rose. Not yet. First, I am going to rebuild the emotional bond that we used to have and I am going to forge it into something completely unbreakable." I felt my body relax. He was staying. Unable to restrain myself, I flung my arms around him.

'Oh Dimitri! I don't know what to say or even what to feel right now. I'm just overwhelmed." I just reveled in his smell and the feel of his body against mine. I felt him chuckle, the rumbling coming from deep in his chest. He pulled back from me with a huge grin on his face.

"Roza, what I think you should do right now is go get in the shower while I go to my room and take a very cold shower of my own. After that, I will come and get you and we will go get breakfast. Will you wait for me to come and get you?" I judged the look in his eyes and knew that this was a small test. He wanted to see if I could have enough faith in him to not go looking for him or to not wait and just go alone. I steeled myself and nodded.

"Yes, Dimitri. I will be here waiting when you get back." He kissed my nose and got out of the bed. Dimitri had no modesty issues and he just began walking around the room naked, collecting all of his belongings.

Damn, that man had a fine ass! He turned around to catch me staring and grinned widely.

"Roza we both know you take longer to get ready. Go get in the shower or else I am going to be sitting here waiting for you and you might even miss breakfast." I jumped up and raced towards the bathroom. I was the one having modesty issues. Who knew that Rose Hathaway, the girl everyone used to be able to count on to push the dress code, would feel self conscious naked in front of anyone.

I turned on the shower and jumped in, not wanting to hear the door close when he left. Somehow I knew that clicking sound would send my heart pumping with fear. I began humming to myself as I washed my hair and body. I stretched and realized I was a little sore. I sighed and stood under the water, upping the heat. I guess not having sex for over a year did that to a body.

Reluctantly, I turned off the water and stepped out. I wrapped a towel around my hair and another around my body and stepped out into my room. To my surprise, Dimitri was already back, sitting on my bed. He looked freshly showered and shaved and definitely was wearing fresh clothes seeing as how what he had worn into my room was his suit from the wedding.

"I tried to be fast" was all he said. I knew he was worried that if I spent too much time without him, I would doubt that he was coming back. I smiled at him and moved over to my dresser and began to dig out a fresh pair of panties and bra. I suddenly felt self conscious of him watching me. Still holding the towel up around my body I stepped into my panties. Dimitri of course sensed my unease and stood up and walked over to a small book shelf I had hanging on the wall. Turning his attention to the few books I had there he picked one up and began to flip through it. I breathed a little easier and dropped my towel to put my bra on. I was bent over drying my hair when he spoke.

"So I thought you didn't read for fun? Did you develop a new and exciting hobby?" He was teasing me but he was right. I used to tease him that reading wasn't about fun; it was about education. Hours alone had taught me otherwise. I shrugged at him.

"Adrian's party scene isn't really my style. He always took the other guardians with him so I wouldn't have to go." Dimitri nodded in understanding, placing the book back on the shelf. I was dressed at this point and even though my hair had started growing back, it still wasn't so long that I had to do much to it in the morning. I pulled it up into a ponytail. Next, I brushed on some mascara and gave myself a sweep of powder. I turned to find Dimitri watching me with an amused expression. I walked over to him and put my hand in his, smiling up at him.

"Breakfast?" He asked.

"Breakfast," I replied, and we walked out the door holding hands and pulling the strength we needed from each other to face this new day.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Thank you again to my awsome Beta! Please people I am getting so few reviews. please review. tell me what you want. I cant change the main idea of where this story is going but I can add in some stuff. more people will be making an appearance coming up but we had to break through the mess with Rose and Dimitri._**

The weeks began to tick by and Dimitri was still by my side. I couldn't quite shake the voice in the back of my mind that continued to taunt me that I would wake up one day to another letter. Every morning I would wake up gasping, certain that he was gone.

He was always there.

Finally, after about six weeks of spending most of our time together and every night in each others' arms, Dimitri snapped.

"Roza, we have hit a wall," he said to me one morning after reassuring me again when I awoke gasping that he was still there.

"You have let me in to an extent but it's obvious you still doubt me. I think we need to talk about the time we spent apart." He looked at me thoughtfully, a concerned squint in his eyes. His lips pursed as if he was considering saying more but had just managed to stop himself.

I wasn't sure I was ready for this conversation. I didn't know if I could handle knowing what had been so interesting that it had managed to keep Dimitri away from me for a whole year. Who knew, it might have been even longer if Adrian hadn't called him. This begged another and much more terrifying question: would he have come back at all if Adrian hadn't called?

"Earth to Rose." Dimitri waved his hand slowly in front of my face and I snapped back to attention.

"Sorry. I was just thinking about what you said." My voice came out low and slightly unsteady. "Comrade, I don't need to know where you were or what you were doing. You're here now and that's what really matters." I tried to sound convincing but I couldn't even convince myself. He sat up in the bed and sighed.

"Rose, I need you to know. It matters to me what happened and what I was doing. We can't move forward either if we don't know what it was that kept us apart."

At his words, I could feel the tears starting to form behind my eyes. I knew there was something that he wanted more than me. Something that could take him away from me again. I needed to be strong. I clenched my jaw and straightened my shoulders, bracing myself for whatever he was going to tell me. What I wasn't ready for was for Dimitri to shake me.

"Dammit Rose!" He yelled as he shook my shoulders. "Stop that! You keep acting like I am going to up and leave at any given second." He ran his fingers through his beautiful hair which had grown longer in the past six weeks. It was hanging just past his shoulders now, the longest I had ever seen it. On instinct, I reached out and lightly touched it. He paused as I did and seemed to reassess what he was going to say.

"Rose, I love you more than the bird loves to fly, more than the fish loves to swim, more than the earth loves the sun. You are my world and the time I spent away from you was torture. I need you to understand what was going on when I was away. I need you to know why I had to go, what I had to do and what I accomplished." His voice pleaded with me to try to understand or to at least allow him this chance to attempt an explanation.

Too tired of fighting against this inevitable conversation that I had managed to squash every other time he tried to bring it up, I sighed and waved a hand, gesturing for him to continue.

"I give. You win. I will listen to what you feel I need to know. I still think we would be fine without all this. I don't have to know about this." I knew I sounded stupid but I couldn't help the fear I could feel growing in my chest. It was an ache that was starting to throb like a deep bruise that you couldn't help but poke to see if it was still there.

Dimitri shook his head at me. "I need to tell you, Rose. I need you to know so that I can gain back some of this trust." He held up a hand as I opened my mouth to speak. "No Roza, don't interrupt just yet. I finally have a chance and I am telling you. When I left you that note it was the cowardly thing to do, but I knew I would never leave if I told you my plans in person. I was completely honest in everything I said in my letter however. I did and still do love you completely and only you. I really did leave to try to keep you safe. I called the Queen and asked for special permission to travel the world, attempting to relearn all of the ancient fighting techniques. I wanted to spend my time training as hard as I could and learning everything possible so that I would never lose against a Strigoi again. I wanted to be strong enough to keep you safe. I wanted to make sure that there would never be another reason for you to throw yourself into danger to save me." He paused to wipe at the tears that were silently flowing down his cheeks. "I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me, and yet even with all of my good intentions, all of my ideas that leaving would be the safest thing for you, at least temporarily; the most damage that has ever been done to you was caused by me anyway." He paused again, taking a deep breath and looking directly at me, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

I reached out one shaky hand and brushed at his tears. He captured my hand in his warm, callused one and gently held it to his cheek, leaning in to the warmth. After a moment, he seemed to regain his famous control.

"Roza I have learned so many things, so many new and old ways of fighting. I have so much I want to teach you. I need to make sure you're safe. I know it's selfish but I can't live in a world that doesn't have you in it." He took both of my hands in his and kissed them tenderly.

"I'm sure you have questions, Rose. What do you want to know?" I took a minute to comprehend all that he had told me so far. He went searching for new ways to fight to keep us safe. I knew that if I had thought of it, I would have done the same thing. There were two questions that I still had.

"Dimitri." I swallowed, barely able to continue. I knew that how he answered this was crucial. "I need to know why you didn't come back until Adrian called you. I need to know why you never checked up on me. If you love me so much, how could you walk away and just not look back? For all you knew, I could have been dead. Or worse! I could have been having Adrian's baby." I watched Dimitri flinch at that last bit, but pressed on regardless. "Dimitri, you can't train 24 hours a day." My voice sank to a whisper. "What else were you doing? Who else knew where you were?" He didn't answer right away. The pause was heavy, filled with it's own set of questions. Should he tell me everything? Did I really want to know everything? Would we truly be able to progress past this?

Dimitri brought me out of my inner monologue by pulling me into his embrace.

"Roza first please know that I _did_ check on you. I called Lissa regularly. I told her I would only continue to call if she promised to not tell you. I convinced her it was for the best." He felt me bristle and without even seeing my eyes, he knew I was angry. How could Lissa do this to me? I thought she was my friend.

"Roza? Roza. Listen to me. I never told Lissa where I was or what I was doing. The first few times I called, she really let me have it. It's actually kind of scary hearing her threaten me since she might soon have the power to see it through. But I promise you I convinced her that keeping this from you was what was best." I nodded into his chest and he kissed my hair before he continued. "The hardest call was when she told me she thought you were starting to do better. She told me you were happy about your new job. It was about a month after you started working for Adrian. I thought you were finally moving on, forgetting me. I stopped pressing Lissa for personal information about you. I was still committed to making sure you were safe and I resolved that if I couldn't do that by your side as your lover, than I would do it from the shadows as another guardian."

I looked up into his face, the pain I could hear in his voice blatantly displayed on his face. A huge part of me wanted to end this talk and just kiss him into oblivion but I still had a couple of questions he hadn't answered.

"Were you alone?" It came out as just a whisper. I wasn't sure that he would have been able to hear me but his sharp intake of breath told me he did.

"No, I wasn't."

Even having suspected this, knowing that it was true affected me more than I wanted to admit. I pulled out of his arms and climbed out of the bed. I put on my bathrobe and walked over to the wall, staring at a framed picture of Lissa and I. It was taken just after I accepted Adrian's offer. The group had a party before we all moved on with our lives. Lissa and Christian to Lehigh, Adrian and I to court, Mia to a local university and Eddie, who had ended up being assigned to Camille Conte. Looking at the picture, I couldn't help but smile. Lissa was so happy. I was smiling in the photo but if you looked closely, the smile wasn't in my eyes.

"Dimitri. Who was with you?" My resolve and strength had come back and I was determined not to cry if he said it was indeed Tasha who was with him.

"Well after graduation, Alberta hunted me down. She wanted to kick my ass for what I had done to you but once she understood what was going on, she decided to stay and help me. We even ran into your mom once over in Romania." He at least had the manners to look slightly ashamed at this. How had he managed to convince my mom not to tell me?

"I know what you're thinking, but I never did talk to your mom. She just beat the crap out of me and left. She never said a word." He chuckled slightly, thinking back on the memory.

"I know you had one last question that I still haven't answered. I came back when Adrian called because he told me everything. I truly thought you had moved on and that you were with him but after he called and told me how you had shut down emotionally and about all the burns he knew that you had, I knew I had to come back immediately. I would have been back soon anyway. I was almost finished with my work but when he told me about you playing with the Strigoi, I was horrified. How could you be so careless, Roza? I have wanted to know this for so long. What was going through your pretty head?"

I hung my head in shame. I had played with the Strigoi because, in a way, I was hoping they would hurt me. It gave me an excuse to have pain and not have to hide it. I told Dimitri this and he stood up and came over to me. He kneeled down before me and murmured something in Russian.

"Roza I just said a Russian prayer for forgiveness. I should never have left. I should have been honest with you from the beginning and given you the option of coming with me. Can you ever forgive me?" I looked down into his warm eyes and stroked his soft hair. I got down on my knees as well and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Forgiven, forgotten." I never got out any other words as he crushed his lips to mine and pressed my body into his, making his desires clear.

This time we came together hard and fast. He claimed me and I claimed him. Each burning their mark into the other's heart. When we were spent and all cleaned up, he looked at the clock and jumped up, running out of the room with me being dragged along.

"Dimitri, where are we going?" I yelled, completely confused. He paused just long enough to give me a crap answer.

"It's a surprise." The smile that crossed his face was breathtaking. I had no choice but to smile back and just follow, knowing that regardless of where we were going, I would always follow him.


	9. Chapter 9

**_So sorry everyone I had my laptop die and was unable to post for a while. Thanks again to my awsome beta you rock. its short I know but after having to wait so long to get back to it i need to just move on to the next chapter. please review!_**

I allowed Dimitri to lead me by the hand across court. The suspense was killing me but I couldn't think of anything that was special about today. Of course, I still hadn't gotten into the habit of keeping track of days. I was suddenly yanked out of my thoughts as Dimitri stopped abruptly.

"Okay, so I need you to let me put this blindfold on you." He pulled a piece of silky black material out of his pocket. I raised my eyebrows at him, not sure I was comfortable walking around court with a blindfold.

"Come on, Roza," he sighed. " Don't you trust me yet?" The faint hint of a pout was in his voice and his eyes as he stared at me, blinking twice. I threw my arms up in surrender.

"Okay; you win! For goodness sake, just stop pouting and put it on me already." He came up behind me chuckling and tied the blindfold tightly in place.

"I better not fall, Comrade or its your ass." I tried to sound scary but Dimitri just laughed at me. I felt his warm breath next to my ear.

"I promise to keep you safe as we walk. Try to have a little faith in me," he whispered before taking my hand and starting to walk.

We walked for a while, taking lots of turns and at one point, Dimitri even spun me around in a lame attempt to make sure I couldn't tell where we were going. Finally, he stopped and I heard him open a door. He gave me a gentle push inside where I could hear a few muffled whispers that suddenly slowed until the only sound I could hear was that of shuffling feet. I shook my head to clear my disoriented head.

"Who's there?" I called out, a trace of fear in my voice. I really had no clue who was here Dimitri had done a great job of getting me thoroughly lost on our way.

"Dimitri?" No answer came. Now I was starting to get pissed. I sighed deeply and decided to try something else. I inhaled deeply though my nose. Dimitri was still here and standing close by according to his aftershave. Then I got another smell; alchohol and cloves. Adrian!

"Dimitri, I know you're close to me. On the left, I think," I began to guess. "Adrian I know you're here too! Your damn cigarettes gave you away." This time I called out with more conviction. Dimitri chuckled from beside me.

"Very good, Roza. Ready for me to take off the blindfold?" I nodded and felt him begin to loosen the knot. The material fell away and I was greeted with the cries of my friends.

"Surprise." "Rose! Surprise!" "Surprise!"

All around me were old friends and school mates, current court gaurdians and even Alberta. Lissa stepped forward from the crowd and embraced me tightly.

"I missed you Rose. I missed you so much," she bawled into my shoulder. I stroked her hair and looked over her shoulder at Dimitri, mouthing a thank you. He just smiled at me. Once I had calmed Lissa down, Christian came up and gave me a hug. I was too floored that they were here to even tease him. I was passed around for a few moments before I finally got to Alberta. Alberta squeezed me tightly, tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Rose I'm so happy to see you doing well. You gave us all a big scare there the last year." I hung my head in shame - I knew what she meant. I had abandoned my training, left my Moroi and become a crazy person. Dimitri's strong arms wrapped around me and I felt him place a kiss on my hair. I looked up at Alberta.

"Rose you missed out on a lot this past year," she started to say. "You missed graduation and even though you passed your exam with flying colors, you never received your promise mark or any other marks for your kills this past year." I opened my mouth to intercede but Alberta held up a hand to silence me. "I know you have still worked as a guardian for Lord Ivashkov, and that you are happy with this assignment, however getting your diploma and marks is a special ceremony that all guardians should get a chance to go through. Now Dimitri here," she nodded in his direction with a smile on her face, "was resourceful enough to set up a second chance for you." I was confused. A second chance? I really looked around now and finally noticed where I was.

I was in the café at the far side of court where mainly guardians went. The café had been completely transformed. A small stage was set up at one end with risers and a podium. Off to the side of the stage was a tattoo artist with an extra chair. I turned around and finally saw that the rest of the café was decorated with balloons and streamers and table cloths just like you would find at a graduation party. There was even a _Congratulations, Rose!_ banner. My mouth must have been hanging open because I felt Dimitri take his finger and push up on my chin. I couldn't think of anything to say. Dimitri smiled at me and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I feel terrible that I missed so many important things this last year and that because of me, you missed out on some of them too. I can't right all my wrongs but I can try to still give you some of the things I took away. Lissa and Adrian helped me but Roza; we want you to have a real graduation party and a chance to get your marks, including your promise mark." He paused and searched my eyes. "If you want it, that is."

I looked around me at my friends and realized that I did want my marks. I didn't have to be a traditional guardian but I wanted people to know that I still believed in the system, flawed as it was.

"Thank you," I whispered, barely able to control my tears from falling down. "I think I am finally ready to get my marks." I took Dimitri's hand and started to walk up to the stage where Alberta was now waiting with my diploma.

It felt like days later that people finally started dispersing. The party had been a huge success. And I, Rosemarie Hathaway, had finally gotten my promise mark along with seven more Molnija marks. I was really starting to feel tired, something Dimitri must have sensed. He took my hand and pulled me towards the door.

"The few people left won't notice if we sneak out. Lets go take a bath and get into bed." I had to admit that sounded good so I nodded at him and let him lead the way back to Adrian's house.


	10. Chapter 10

**_So so so sorry that it has been taking em so long t update. I also did not get this to my beta yet but I felt I needed to get another chapter up. Hope you all liked Last sacrifice . I kinda did. I guess i was just wishing for more. anyway don't want to give anything away. Please please please review_**

I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Where had Dimitri gone? I didn't hear him leave. Suddenly all my old fears came back. He was gone. He wasn't coming back. The room got smaller and suddenly I could hardly breathe. Everything start to spin. I hugged my knees to my chest and began to rock trying to convince myself that somehow I would survive being alone again. Maybe he would come back just maybe.

"He isn't gone. He isn't gone. He isn't gone." I knew I was mumbling hysterically but I couldn't help it. The tears were running freely down my face, leaving hot salty tracks. The panic was setting in full force. I couldn't see straight anymore. I was completely unaware that the door had opened and someone had walked in until I felt a strong warm pair of arms wrap around me.

"Roza baby? Are you ok? Baby please its ok I'm still here, I will never leave you . You know this love." I recognized Dimitri's voice and the shaking and tears subsided. I closed my eyes and leaned into his warmth.

"Oh honey I thought we were past this. I had so hoped that by now you would know that I am not going anywhere." He kissed my tears off my face and rocked me in his arms like a mother rocks a newborn baby.

I hiccupped and snuggled closed to him.

"I'm so sorry" I moaned into his chest. "I just panicked. I woke up funny and you weren't here and I started thinking that the last few months were just a dream and that now I was really awake and you weren't here. I thought maybe you had never come back and the whole thing was just a amazing wonderful impossible dream" I finished with a huff completely out of breath. He sighed and placed his forehead against mine

"Roza somehow you manage to always mess up my best laid plans. I had hoped to do this later tonight but I think you need it now" he turned away and fiddled with his pocket for a second before taking both my hands in his.

"Rosemarie Hathaway I love you more than life. I would give up my life for yours. I can't live another day without knowing that you are mine forever" he cleared his throat in a nervous way and slid off the bed. I gasped when I realized what he was doing. He had gotten down on one knee next to me . He reached out gingerly taking my hands in one of his big hands as he removed from his pocket a small red velvet box.

"Roza I hope you are willing t give me everyday of the rest of our lives to try to prove to you that I am not going anywhere. Will you do me the profound honor of your hand in marriage?" I was stunned! Did he really want me forever? I saw concern flash in Dimitri's eyes as the seconds ticked by and I still hadn't answered him.

"Roza? Baby?" The fear in his voice snapped me out of my trance.

"Yes!" I shouted as I threw my self into his arms.

He hugged me so tightly against his chest that I was having a hard time breathing. When I began squirming he loosened his hold and started trailing kisses down my face and around my neck. I was still too much in shock to do anything more than snuggle up to him. This amazing perfect man was going to be mine really and truly completely mine forever. I must have been murmuring aloud because I felt Dimitri chuckle and he answered me in a whisper.

"Yes my love forever. We will never let anything part us again." He sealed his promise with a tender kiss pressing his slightly parted lips to mine sharing the breath with me. His tongue flicked out gently and just tasted my bottom lip causing me to quake with anticipation. His hand started a slow tortuous journey from my lower back up my spine over my shoulder and down my arm just barely grazing the soft swelling side of my breast. My Goosebumps were giving me away as to how turned on I was becoming. I closed my eyes and leaned into Dimitri opening my mouth to slip my tongue into his when he suddenly pulled away.

"Roza" he finally said his voice still husky with emotion and desire. " If I don't stop now I wont be able to and unfortunately you have places to be."

"What do you mean?" I questioned. " I had no plans today except spending the day with you. Don't you want to spend the day with me?" I felt my voice start to shake. I still couldn't completely calm the panic. Dimitri came over and got down on his knees in front of me taking my hands one of his again and brushing my hair out of my face with the other.

"Roza I want nothing more than to spend the whole day with you, however I had originally planned on proposing tonight at dinner so I set it up with Lissa for you to spend a day at the spa getting pampered. Lissa should be here any minute to take you across court to the spa." I felt the pressure leave my chest. This man was amazing to me especially in light of all the doubt I appeared to have about his intentions.

"Ok." I answered not being able t hide the smile on my face. "I will be a good girl and go with Lissa". His eyes crinkled with laughter that he was trying to hold back. He settled for patting my head like a small child

"Thank you my Roza. I think" He paused mid sentence as there was a soft knock on the door. Dimitri got up and with a knowing look went to answer the door.

"Hello Princess. Come on in please" he stepped aside allowing Lissa to enter. She huffed as she passed Dimitri.

"Please Dimitri I've asked before, it's Lissa. After everything that's happened I think we can drop protocol at least in private".

Dimitri just nodded his head before answering

"Of course." I rolled my eyes at the two of them. Really you would think that these two would be past all this.

"So if you two are done squabbling I hear I have a date at the spa. Any chance" I asked Lissa with an eye brow waggle, " that I might be able to get a foot massage from a certain sexy massage guy?" Lissa laughed at me and glanced back at Dimitri who was shaking his head. I just shrugged " I can't get him to spend enough time on my feet. His hands somehow always seem to linger up to high" .

Dimitri blushed red at my exclamation, and lissa started dragging me from the room.

"Ok Rose. I get the picture, you can get a foot rub too." I waved by to Dimitri who blew me kiss when Lisa wasn't looking. Today was turning into a good day after all.

The spa was on the other side of court and Lissa spent the time walking there catching me up on the gossip. I had tuned out most of it not really caring what the royals did until I heard her name.

"So then Tasha told Christian that she felt bad for being so busy so much this last year and that she was going to come visit for the summer holiday this year. I told him that of course she could come stay with us I mean she is his family right. So anyway I was thinking maybe we could all go on a group vacation. What do you think?' It took me a minute to process what she had just told me. Tasha whom I hadn't scene since Dimitri had disappeared and with whom I was certain that he had disappeared with was coming to visit all of a sudden now that Dimitri was back. I was also pretty certainty that Tasha had a thing for Dimitri. I mean she did basically offer him babies last time I saw her. I didn't want to put Lissa in the middle of my little problems but I also really didn't want to go n vacation with Tasha.

"Well Lissa I'm not sure if I can. I mean have you talked to Adrian about all this? I don't want to just take off and leave him". I hoped she wouldn't want to vacation with Adrian.

"Oh I already asked him and he said if you and Dimitri were in than he thought it sounded like fun". She was so excited I didn't have the heart to tell her no. With a sigh I gave in

"I will talk to Dimitri and see what he says." Lissa squealed in delight.

"he will agree to anything you want and you know it" I wished she was wrong but somehow I figured he would like the idea thinking a vacation would be just the ticket to cheer me up.

By the time we had made it to the spa I was definitely in need of a massage but really not in the mood anymore. Thankfully Lissa was too absorbed in vacation planning to notice. She checked us in at the spa's front desk and we were immediately called back. I realized that I had not told Lissa that Dimitri had proposed and was debating about if I should spill the beans of wait for him to do it with me. I decided that Dimitri might still want to make the announcement tonight so I let it go wishing I could have told her so she would have another topic to talk about.

We were mid manicure and already past the foot rub and facial part of the day when Lissa got a phone call form Tasha.

"Hello? Oh hi Tasha! Yes I talked to everyone and we are all in . I know it should be great. I was thinking I can make the hotel reservations if you want ? Oh? Well that's awfully nice of you. Oh well no Adrian and Rose wouldn't come with out the other, and Rose and Dimitri will be sharing a room. Yes! It's been great. I don't think I have ever seen the two of them so happy. Um. Its been a few months now. Ever since Dimitri came back. Yes I'm sure they would love that. Ok. Talk to you soon. Bye!"

I was able to figure out most of that conversation from just Lissa's half. Tasha had already made reservations and had booked an extra room for me. I was guessing that she wasn't too happy about Dimitri and I sharing a room but didn't want to pry to much in case Lissa got suspicious.

"Oh Rose that was Tasha!" Lissa turned to me a huge smile on her face. I wanted to tell her well duh I got that and a whole hell of a lot more too but I restrained myself. " She booked us all hotel rooms in Costa Rica right on the beech her treat. Isn't that great?" she was so excited I tried very hard to sound happy

"It's great Lis. So did Tasha not realize that Dimitri and I were together now? She booked one to many rooms? I hope she can get her deposit back" I hoped she couldn't see through me.

"Well actually she said she couldn't but that maybe we could bring an extra guardian with us and they could have the room." I just nodded at her. Yeah right I bet she was just hoping that something would happen and Dimitri and I would end up in separate rooms.

I zoned out for the rest of the day deciding to spend my time daydreaming about my Russian God waiting for just me back at the house. I think we need our own place or at least our own wing. Anything that would give us a little bit more privacy.


	11. Chapter 11

**_It came to my attention that I have been neglecting my story and it's the sad Truth. So since it's been so long I am putting this up without running this by my beta so please bear with me through my mistakes as I dont have her awsome help on this. Thank you and please as always review!_**

Two weeks of planning and packing and repacking in Lissa's case and finally we were boarding Adrian's jet. The closer we came to our departure date the more nervous I had become. In light of the excitement over the vacation Dimitri had wanted to wait until our first night of vacation to spill the beans about our engagement. I couldn't wait to see what Tasha's reaction would be. I know she still has feelings for Dimitri and I couldn't stop worrying that she was going to try to get him to change my mind. I spent the majority of the flight lost in my thoughts and worries. Dimitri kissed my forehead and ran his fingers absently through my hair not pressuring me to share what was bothering me even though I was certain he could tell something was. I finally sighed and closed my eyes resolving myself to oblivion for the remainder of the trip.

I was awoken by the plane touching down on the runway. I looked around me and everyone else had already gathered their belongings and was ready to exit the plane. Dimitri stood as the plane stopped and extended his hand to me. I noticed that he was looking me intently and I had to wonder if I had mumbled in my sleep. Brushing it off I turned to Lissa.

"Well are you ready for some fun some sun and some beach?" I winked at Lissa and turned to Christian.

"Hey sparky ready to burn on the outside too?" Dimitri shook his head and dragged me along off the plan. Christian called after me.

"Oh Rose I know you can't wait to see me in just my swim trunks it's ok"

I snorted but ignored the remark because as soon as I stepped off the tarmac I was engulfed in a pair of arms.

"Oh Rose!" Exclaimed Tasha. "It's so great to see you. You look wonderful! I love what you did to your hair. Lissa had told me that she was worried about you something about a depression but she must have been mistaken." Tasha hugged me close again and I glared at Lissa over her shoulder. I thought Tasha was going to go on hugging me all day but she suddenly caught sight of Dimitri behind me. She threw both arms around him and kissed his cheek.

"Oh Dimka its been so long! I have missed my best friend. I'm so glad you came on vacation with us." she cooed at him.

Dimitri pulled back from her gently and reached out to take my hand.

"Yes Tasha its great to see you too. I wouldn't dream of letting Rose go somewhere without me of course I came with her." Dimitri exclaimed all the while looking at me with such love I forgot to be mad that Tasha had thrown herself at him. " So Tasha where do we go from here? Have you already checked us in? It's so nice of you to do this for all of us."

Tasha just nodded at him looking as if she wasn't sure how to respond at first. Gathering her wits about her she turned and welcomed the rest of group and Lissa introduced the other guardians we had brought.

"Tasha" Lissa called gesturing towards the other four Dhampir, "This is guardian Thomas, guardian Smith , Guardian Ivan's and I think you already know Guardian Castle. They will be helping split some shifts so Dimitri and Rose get more time off to vacation with us."

Tasha extended her hand and shook it with each of the new guardians.

"Ok well lets go get settled and get a drink" Called Adrian. Leave it to Adrian to break up formalities in favor of a drink. I followed after him never letting go of Dimitri's hand.

The rooms that Tasha led us too were beautiful. Dimitri and I were left to ourselves to unpack. I had just started putting my clothes on hangers when Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.

" Will you tell me what's been bothering you now?" he whispered. I sighed I should have known this was coming. I turned around and wrapped my arms around Dimitri's waist. The concern in his eyes was too much for me to fight against. I stood on my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his chin.

"It's Tasha." I breathed. I felt him stiffen up and waited for him to pull back in anger. Instead he pulled me closer, tighter.

"Oh Roza. I know she had some feelings for me before but I told her back then it would never work. She is over it. And even if she wasn't." He paused tilting my chin up with a finger so I would look him in the eyes. "I love you Roza. Just you. I am going to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you ." He kissed my nose gently. " I just wish you knew how much I love you . How much I need you." He said in a sad voice as he crushed me to his chest. We stood this way for what seemed like forever until there was a small knock on the door. Dimitri opened it revealing Lissa a frown on her face.

" your not ready!" she chastised. " Five minutes guys and I expect to see you in the lobby so we can all go to dinner. For goodness sake even Adrian is already ready." She gave me one more look and walked out closing the door. I ran my fingers through my hair , there goes an thoughts of showering. Dimitri must have known what I was thinking for he chuckled and walked towards my closet.

"you can shower later you look great anyway right now." he pulled a beautiful red dress out of the closet that I had yet to wear.

" wear this Roza. Red is your color and I want you stand out when I tell everyone your mine now forever." His voice grew husky as he talked his accent becoming more pronounced. I gulped knowing if I didn't hurry and get dressed that we would be late and probably just miss dinner entirely. I grabbed the dress and ran for the bathroom. I swear Dimitri chuckled behind me. Ass!

Five minutes later Dimitri and I stepped into the lobby almost running into Lissa.

" I was just coming to get you" she said giving me the once over. " Rose you look amazing. I don't think you have ever looked more beautiful."

"Thanks Lissa. But I'm starved can we get going?" I complained over the noise of my stomach. Lissa smiled and nodded and led the way into the main hotel dining room. The rest of the group was already seated. Dimitri and I took our seats and ordered a glass of champagne. Lissa picked up her glass and cleared her throat.

" I would like to make a toast to Tasha. Thank you Aunt Tasha for taking us all on this wonderful and much needed vacation. To Tasha." She cheered. Before anyone could lower their drinks Dimitri stood up with his glass. Everyone turned surprised eyes to him.

" I would like to second that toast." He smiled nodding at Tasha. " But I want to add my own toast as well. I want to propose a toast to Rose" At this all eyes turned to me. " The most amazing woman I have ever known. She has had so many struggles in her life and so many challenges and yet she keeps going never backing down. She always give of herself with out reservation and these are just a few of the reasons that I am overjoyed to announce that she has agreed to spend the rest of our lives together as my wife." he tipped his glass in my direction and then downed it quickly. Before I had a chance to register what he was doing he had picked me up out of my chair and dipped me backwards in his arms kissing me with such passion I forgot anyone else was there until the whistles started. With a smug look on his face Dimitri pulled me back up and set me right on my feet.

" I love you Roza ." He exclaimed. " I am so honored you'll have me as your husband." he placed a gentle kiss on my hand as we sat back down.

I was lost in a sea of congratulations. Everyone looked over joyed for us. I was so happy at my friends reactions until Tasha spoke up.

" Congratulations guys. I think it's wonderful that the two of you have found a way to make it work in your business and that you have both obviously gotten over the whole idea of having kids. I am so happy for you and wish you the best of luck with all the challenges ahead."

I felt a little sick to my stomach at her words. Dimitri and I had not really discussed children. I hadn't thought much about what I was taking away from him. I turned to look at him and was shocked to see anger and pain evident on his face. Was he upset at what he was losing? I looked at the people sitting around me and saw that everyone had a surprised or awkward look on their face even Adrian, although he also looked mildly angry. I felt my breath catch and forced my self to hold in the tears.

" thank you everyone for your kind words. Dimitri and I really appreciate all your support." I stood up then taking a deep breath. " If you'll all excuse me a moment I'm just going to go use the rest room." I patted Dimitri's hand and took off as fast as I could for the women's room tears now coursing down my face. I heard Dimitri ask Lissa to follow me . I was almost to the rest room when I heard him turn to Tasha.

' I would like to speak with you alone Tasha. Immediately." The anger evident even from yards away in his voice.


	12. Chapter 12

**_I apologize for taking so long to get up another chapter. Thank you to those of you that send me reminders that i am getting lazy if not for you these chapters wouldnt get up. _**

Lissa grabbed my arm just as I reached for the bathroom door.

"Rose? You ok?" I nodded afraid to open my mouth. Lissa pulled me in her arms and hugged me tightly.

" Sweetie everyone else is happy for you, don't let Tasha ruin your special night." she patted my back like a mother would to a small child. Oddly I found it very comforting. I straightened my shoulders and gave my head a small shake.

"Your right Lissa. I wont let her ruin my happiness." a mischievous grin spread across my face. " lets go see what Dimitri is saying to Tasha."

Lissa giggled and followed me quietly. I went out the back where there was a patio currently not in use and followed the sound of raised voices just around the corner. Dimitri was leaning against the building legs crossed at the ankles as if to say "I don't care you cant change my mind" . Tasha was shaking her finger at him one hand on her hip.

"Dimitri you can't know what is in the girls head. Its presumptuous to assume at this young of an age that someday she might not change her mind and want kids. Your still oftly young yourself to make such a decision. What happens if in 5 years or 10 years Rose wants kids? What if she wants them bad enough to go to someone" she paled as Dimitri roared at her pushing off of the building and putting his face just inches from hers. He gripped her by the forearms pinning them against her body.

" NO! Don't even suggest such things about Rose. You were right that we haven't talked about kids specifically however that is a private decision and discussion for Rose and I to have. It was entirely inappropriate for you to bring it up in front of other people and insensitive to bring it up to Rose at all. I have every intention of discussing these things with her and we will come to our own conclusions without your advise or interference" he released her arms and stepped back suddenly looking chastised as Tasha began to rub at her arms.

"I'm sorry Tasha. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that." he said with his voice taking on a softer more normal tone. Tasha softened too taking a small step towards him and reaching out with one hand. She place a hand on his cheek and smiled at him.

"Dimka. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so callous towards you two. You're my best friend and I just want to see you happy. I hope before you and Rose make any official decisions that you will think about what I said though. She's young maybe too young. You might want to consider waiting at the very least, you never know when you might find someone else. Someone else who is more mature more capable of giving you a family and a legacy to pass on." she kissed his cheek and turned to come back inside just as I took the final step that placed me with in their view. Tasha gasped and Dimitri immediately went tense.

" How much did you hear Roza?" he asked not surprised to find me there. I smiled at him before turning back to Tasha a frown on my face.

"enough. Enough to know that Tasha has obviously decided that she is better for you than infertile immature me." Dimitri raised his eyebrow at me but said nothing as I gave Tasha a questioning look wondering what she would have to say to that.

"Well Rose I have to admit I do think I am a better choice for him, however if you are what he wants then I will be happy for the two of you. All I want is for Dimka to be happy. I apologize if I have offended you it was wrong of me to discuss such private things in public." she nodded at Dimitri and then at me and began to walk back into the restaurant. As she passed I grabbed her arm.

"Tasha. I accept your apology for now. But know that I will be watching you. I don't trust you as far as Lissa can throw you. I will not let him go without a fight." I released her arm but I got a chill when I swear I saw her smile. She walked back in taking Lissa by the arm and leaving Dimitri and I outside by ourselves.

I hesitated just a second before I ran over and threw myself into Dimtiri's out stretched arms. He just held me for a moment before he pulled me into his arms and carried me over to one of the outdoor tables. He sat down and adjusted me in his lap. I snuggled into his chest breathing in his scent. He had the most amazing smell, a combination of freshness and spiciness as if the cleanest air in the world from on top of the highest mountain was infused with just a hint of sweet and hot spices designed to make your mouth water. I inhaled deeply and rubbed my nose against his bare skin at his neck. I felt his chest rumble with laughter.

"what are you doing Roza? That tickles." he pushed me away just slightly and then cradled my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine for what I was not sure.

"I was smelling you." I answered honestly a blush creeping onto my cheeks. " Just in case you ever do decide you want Tasha more I want to always remember how you smell. It makes me feel whole and safe."

I watched as Dimitris eyes softened and he wrapped his jacket around me completely surrounding me in his scent.

"Better?" He asked. I nodded losing myself in the depths of his warm brown eyes. They were such a pure brown. I don't think that I had ever noticed before how perfect the brown was. It was as if I had traveled the world looking for the finest quality chocolate and melted it slowly over a low heat until it was melted into warm gooey pools of perfection.

"Roza?" Dimtiris voice brought me out of my little fantasy. " she was right about one thing. We never did talk about children" he paused and sucked in a deep ragged breath. " have you thought about children at all? Is this something you can honestly walk away from to be with me? I hate taking that away from you." his voice nearly broke on the last part. I wanted to hit Tasha for planting any doubts in his beautiful head. Instead I pulled myself together and put the biggest smile on my face and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster.

"Dimitri. You are all that I need. I would love to have children someday but frankly my line of work makes that a rare choice anyway. I don't want children with someone else so if that means I don't have any but get to keep you, I still am getting the better end of the deal." I pressed my lips to his again but softly this time running my fingers through his hair as I did so. He responded instantly wrapping his arms around me and pulling me tightly against him. I could feel his arousal growing underneath me and my heart soared. I might now be able to give him children but I was what he wanted and I could still make him happy. I knew as we sat outside kissing and caressing in the moonlight that regardless of Tasha and whatever she tried, and I knew she would try something else, Dimitri and I would be ok.


End file.
